Chef Jimmy!

A few months ago

Jimmy announced

that he would like to go to

culinary school

and asked if I would support him in a

career change.

OVER MY DEAD KABOBS!

I replied.

But I told him

that I loved the idea of learning new things

and selflessly offered

to let him practice cooking

every single night

if he wanted.

Isn't that kind of me?

Lucky for us,

he actually is an amazing cook.

His food is super yummy and creative.

He's one of those

dump everything together

 and make it up as you go cooks.

It's always a treat to see what he comes up with.

I, on the other hand, am a recipe cooker.

The only problem with that

is that I only have about 10 recipes

that I rotate through

night after night

and

week after week.

Then if that's not bad enough,

I had a little ulcer debacle in high school

that has left me totally anti-spices.

I don't even pepper my food.

BLAH!

So my poor little family

has had no idea

what good food really tastes like,

until now!

It's no surprise to me that

when I cook
my kids plug their noses.

Remember this?

INGRATES!

But when the Jimmy cooks,

he has a full blown

 FAN CLUB!

FYI,

The kids do not gather like this when I cook.

Oh no!

I am a lone man in an empty kitchen.

But, as usual, every thing's a delicious party

when the Jimmy's involved!

So I say,

cook it up Jimmy!

Cook like there's no tomorrow!

and

I'm starting to think

that perhaps your next career whim

should involve

Message Therapy!

Just a suggestion, of course.

Toothache!

Little Sethie just crawled into bed with us.

He's bawling

and holding his right cheek.

He has a molar

that's just about to pop through his gums.

It hurts!

When I was 19
two of my wisdom teeth grew in.

Both on the left side.

I just remember

going through tube after tube of Anbisol

and wishing for DEATH
and
I'm NOT kidding!

It hurt

but gave me a very real understanding

of what it feels like to

sprout new teeth!

Poor boy!

He's back to sleep now

and I think

I'm going to go and cuddle him up
before all of his teeth grow in
 and he's too big to snuggle!

Sweet dreams! 



Signs

My tender-hearted Chloe
came wandering into my room Sunday night
at 11:30 PM!

"Mom!"  she said  "I have a weird feeling in my tummy!"

"Oh great!"  I groaned! 

 "Just make sure that when it comes up, you make it to the toilet!" 

 (once again, Mother of the Year!)

When she assured me that she didn't feel sick like that,

I was relieved! 

But then she explained that she felt

NERVOUS

because of her lesson at church that day.
(Never a good sign!)

Apparently, it was the ever light-hearted

 'SIGNS OF THE TIMES' lesson.
Oh great.

That Isaiah,  I'm telling ya! 

Couldn't he have sugar-coated that a little?

I mean really! 

I can only imagine how many nightmares
that topic has caused over the past
four thousandish years?

Sheesh!

Anyhow,
As she expressed her valid fears and worries,

I could totally sympathize
and told her the story about
me and the end of the world.

It seems like only yesterday

that the infamous Bruno brothers

announced to the entire third grade
that the world was going to end

the next day 
at
12:15 pm...

right at the end of lunch recess!

I cried myself to sleep that night .
I just couldn't believe that it was my last night on earth
in my bed,
with my toys
and near my family!

The next morning
when I left for the bus stop,

I vividly remember 

the stomach-wrenching pain that I felt

as I hugged my Mom goodbye

for what I thought would be 

the last time
here on earth!

School was a waste.
I was too terrified to concentrate.
I mean really,
when you're facing death
long division seems mundane!

When lunch recess finally rolled around,

a majority of us third graders swarmed together

in the middle of the field weeping

while

those rotten Bruno brothers

stood in the middle of the group

counting down!

10...9...8...

They shouted with New Years Eve excitement.

I clung to Becky Baer.

7...6...5...

Dread and paralyzing fear set in.  

I was far too young to face my own mortality!

4...3...2...

OH MY GOSH!

1!

I screamed!

Becky screamed!

Everyone screamed...

Until the lunch bell rang
 and it was time to go back to class. 

WHAT?!?

I was totally and completely confused.
Where was the
hellfire and brimstone?

And what about the
famine, pestilence and
rumors of war?

Come on...
I figured we at least deserved a good
earthquake
since we were in California!

(is that guy naked?  Anywho...)

But no...
NOTHING!

As I followed the herd of kids
back to the classrooms,
I felt a mixture of
blissful relief,
unparalleled exhaustion
 and unbridled anger!

Those good for nothin' Bruno boys
had dooped us once again.
Never again, I vowed!
Never again!

Chloe and I laughed at the silliness of it all.
So much for my lunchtime Armageddon!
Oh brother!

and speaking of...
I wonder what ever happened to those
rotten Bruno brothers?
I bet they're in prison...
or better yet,
maybe they're born again preachers...
in prison!

I don't know. 
But I bet they're still
ROTTEN!