Testing!

Today I called the Pediatrician's office

 to make an appointment

for Lulu's preschool physical.

Man!

For something so simple,

they sure do fire the questions at ya!

like...

"What's your child's name?"

and

"What's their birth date?

and

"What day would you like to come in?"

Geez!

It was like getting the third degree.

And,

don't they know

that this is not information

that this frazzled Mother

can just pull out of her head
at any given moment?

It takes a second!

I felt like a contestant on

The Family Feud...

at the end

when the creepy Host

is expecting the nervous contestant

 to answer the top 100 questions surveyed

with only seconds left on the clock!

Host:  "What is your child's name?"

Karen:  "Baxter! no wait...Chloe! no, no...Seth!  no it's... Lulu! yeah, Lulu!

Host:  "What is your child's birth date?"

Karen: "Um!" (pause) "Um!" (pause)

"PASS!"

Host:  "What day of the week would you like to come in?" 

Karen:  "May 14, 1990"

Host:  "I'm sorry that was the date of your Senior Prom.

"Would you like to try again?"

NOOOOOOO!

My word people!

Who's the one getting tested here?

I'm not the one trying to get into preschool,
it's my three year old, Lulu!
Why don't you ask her?

Sigh!

Auntie Bliss!

Dearest Rose,

The first time I met you was in the San Francisco airport.  I was 23 and you were a little over a month old.  Your mom introduced you to me and I just had to hold you.  You were big and squishy.  You had the peachiest skin I had ever seen with a tinge of red fuzzy hair on the top of your head!  You were the most perfect girl baby I had ever seen.  I didn't want to let you down.  In fact, I think I held you all the way to baggage claim and for months after that!

I went to your house every single day just to hold you.  It was such a happy time in my life.  I would hold you while 3 yr old Noah taught me about dinosaurs and lectured me about the dangers of eating french fries!  Life was simple and innocent.  Loving you up was the closest I had ever been to motherhood.  I had no idea that a heart could love a baby as much as mine loved you!

Then I had to go back to college.  I cried.  I missed you.  But, I would talk to your mom as much as I could and got updates about you. You started to grow up.  When I would come home for visits, we would hug and kiss each other!  I would wait at your house for you to wake up from your naps because there was nothing in the world that I loved more than snuggling your warm, little rested body.  You would climb up on my big lap and sit with me for hours twirling my hair!  It just never got old!  In fact, I'm surprised that you didn't twirl my hair right off my head!   

When you were 3, I married Jimmy.  You were one of my flower girls.  One of my favorite wedding pictures is of you, me and Jim.  I loved that day and I loved it even more that you were a part of it!  Then I had Chloe.  and O'Neill.  and Seth.  and Lulu.  Over the years I have watched you play and love each of them.  Each of my kids absolutely love you because you are so sweet and gentle with them.  You have a soft voice.  You create magical adventures.  You encourage them to play, imagine and have fun.  You smile.  You laugh.  And you quietly let them come to you rather than force yourself on them!  With you, they feel safe!  With you, they feel inspired!

Now I watch with admiration as you grow into womanhood!  Everyone who has ever loved you will agree that watching you over the past few years has been awe inspiring.  I don't know any other 15 year old girl who has written and illustrated her own books while blogging for Nordstrom and doing photo layouts for her moms store!  It's wild!  You have talents that only could have come from angels!  You are smart!  You are beautiful!  You are interesting!  You are funny!  You are confident!  And best of all...You are good! 

Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your beautiful life. I have loved the past and can't wait to see what the future has in store for you!  (Please just remember that when you write your memoir someday that you have mercy on me and Amy.  Somehow I imagine us turning out like the aunts from The Simpsons!)  Thank you so much for making my blog so beautiful and being one of my biggest fans!  I need more Roses like you in my life!

I love you

Blog Makeover!  (me, Rosie & Auntie Mamy!)

Just in case!

I am 2 1/2 years older than my younger sister, Amy

and we are and have always been best friends! 

As kids we did everything together. 

And when I say everything...

I mean EVERYTHING! 

We played together. 

We laughed really hard together. 

We did synchronized swimming (of sorts) together,

We waited up all night for Santa together,

We could carry-on full conversations without speaking to each other 

and  

We constantly danced in the living room together!

In fact, 

Since my proportions were somewhat more masculine than Amy's, 

I logically was always cast as the "leading male"

in our little productions.   

This meant that while Amy floated around the room

 as the pretty ballerina,

I was instructed to move as little as possible

and brace myself for the next lift, hoist or stunt! 

It was more of a supporting role, really! 

and I didn't think anything of it

until I went to my first real dance

and danced with a real boy!

Yeah!  As you can only imagine,

he looked super confused!

And just as I was about to hoist him onto my shoulder

for the classic Temple Pageant Ho-down Finale lift,

he asked if I wouldn't mind letting him lead!

Yikes...that was close!

Anyway, you get the drift!

Amy and I were together all the time. 

In fact, obviously, we always shared a room. 

And although we had our own twin bed

on either side of the bedroom,

our Mom would always laugh

 at how we would end up

in the same bed

every single morning! 

When she would ask us

 why we were crammed together in one small bed,

one of us would always say

that we had gotten scared in the night

 and found the other for comfort.

It's true!

I vividly remember being startled awake in the night.

and sitting alone in the silence of our sleeping house,

thinking...

"Why is it so quiet?"

Then I would imagine

that an axe murderer
had broken in and killed my entire family

but had left me...

the lone survivor!

But just as I was about to perish with fear,
I would remember Amy

and would gently nudge her to see if she was still alive. 

Sure enough, she was alive

EACH and every TIME

and a huge wave of relief would come over me. 

Then, I would wait and listen anxiously

 for the sound of Dad's bear-like snoring

 to rumble down the hall

as my second confirmation that everyone was alive! 

It always came! and I knew all was well...

but NOT well enough to go back to my own bed!

NO WAY!

After months of that,

our Mom decided to push our beds together

 so that we could spread out a little, yet still be close. 

But, sure enough,

we would still climb into one bed or the other 

when fear crept into our little, tired hearts. 

Finally, after all of her efforts

 to get us to sleep in our own beds failed,

our wise Mom bought us a queen size mattress

and we were in heaven!

Sleeping with Amy was always a treat too

because I never knew

quite what I was going to get in the night!

You see,

Amy was, and still is apparently,

a very "active" sleeper!

Some of my fondest conversations with Amy

have happened while she was sleeping!

In fact,

Amy has battled attacking birds,

fought off colonies of ants,

and managed to "walk" with 2 "broken"  legs

all while remaining fast asleep!

She has cuddled me upside down,

petted me like a dog and

pushed really, really hard on my nose

all while in the deepest of deep sleep!

It was always quite entertaining really

and something that I missed dearly

when she got married and left me for another!

Then, just last weekend,

I got to go to Utah for a much needed get-away

with Amy and our other sister, Laura.

I know, I know...total BLISS!

and if that wasn't enough, in and of itself,

Laura surprised us with a Suite

on the 12th floor
of the posh Grand America Hotel!

Giddy with delight,

we all walked around and checked out the fancy digs!  

I noticed that more than once,

Amy went to the sliding glass door

that led to the "pretend" balcony

to see if it would open. 

She would tug and tug and flip the lock up and down
and up and down 

and tug some more

but she could never get the door to open. 

I didn't think much of it

until later that evening

when Laura tried to crack the door for some fresh air!

As she pulled on the door and fiddled with the latch,

Amy quickly tuned in and said...

"That doesn't open!  I've already tried!"

Noticing that her response was oddly loud and quick, 

I said..." Amy, are you OK

cuz your response was oddly loud and quick!" 

Then without hesitation, Amy blurted...

"What kind of people are you?

  Who in their right mind

would bring a sleep walker

to a room on the 12th floor

with a sliding glass door that leads to nowhere?"

Oh...the demons that we bare!

I love that in a world that is constantly changing

there are certain things that you know will always stay the same!

After a good deep belly laugh, 

Laura and I assured Amy that all would be well!

But as we snuggled into bed that night,

I offered to let her tie her leg to mine...

just in case!

SICK!

Last month, I got deathly ill!

After five days of horrid misery, I was diagnosed with

a sinus infection, an ear infection and Bronchitis
all at once!

My lovely Dr. gave me lots of yummy medicine...

including steroids!

(I know!  Just what every 6'0 woman needs!)

But before being cured,

I was super, duper, horribly congested!

It caused serious problems with my hearing

and

even bigger problems with my BETTER JUDGEMENT!

Let me explain...

On day #3 of my misery,
I woke up and decided that I was all better!
It was a Saturday.
Regardless of the fever and incredible body aches,

I was tired of being sick and had Mothering to do!

So up I went!


The day began with a trip to the kids school
for a special Saturday event called
"March Math-ness!"
Normally, I would drop the kids off

but being the PTA President extraordinaire that I am,
I thought it would be good PR to mill around and talk with my peeps!
(Even if I was about to contaminate them all with a major illness
that in all fairness, I didn't realize I had!)

There were over 200 kids in the auditorium
moving from center to center.

It was a mathematical extravaganza of sorts
and it was loud!

I didn't hesitate and worked the crowd like a pro!

The only problem was that
I couldn't hear ANYTHING that ANYBODY was saying!

Not just because of the kid noise but because I was so painfully congested!
My head felt like a pressure cooker ready to BLOW!
But being the martyr that I am,
I stayed!
(You're welcome peeps!)


As fatigue began to set in,
I noticed that O'Neill's center was near some seating.
I needed a rest, so I went and sat down next to another woman.
I recognized her from around school
but had never formally introduced myself.


"Hi!"  I said in my usual friendly way!
She said "Hi" back
but with that kind of
"Oh, please don't talk to me"
body language that is impossible to miss.
I respected her silence... for a minute
but when that got boring
I asked her if she was a teacher or a parent?


"I'm a parent!" she said.
"Oh, who's your child?"  I asked.
Her response surprised me!
Through the chaos of mumbled sound in my head, I heard her say...

"The girl with the FIN!"


Confused, I looked in the direction she was pointing!
At the end of the bench sat a girl from O'Neill's grade.
I call her "Khloe with a K"
We became friends when I was selling
Candy-grams as a fundraiser.
I had helped her fill out her grams
because she has some sort of defect with her right hand.
Actually, the defect is that she doesn't have a right hand.
Her arm is normal
but instead of a hand, her arm tapers down to a point.
Like one big finger.


I thought to myself... 
Wow!  How cool is that?
Here is a Mom who flat out owns her child's disability. 
That takes incredible strength to just call it as it is...a FIN!
I have had friends in the past with children
 who have had disabilities
and one common complaint that they have 
is that people either treat them differently
 or just ignore them altogether!
Both being equally painful!
So, I have learned to respectfully
follow the parents lead
 and be open about disabilities!
In this case, I was super impressed
 with this Mom's frankness
 and felt like I should follow her lead
 by letting her know that
I too was comfortable with  her daughter's "fin".

So, innocently, with my head tilted to the side
 and with a genuine smile on my face,
I repeated...out loud...with sound...
EXACTLY what I had heard her say,


"Oh!  The girl with the FIN?"


For a split second, time froze!


Then, with eyes bulging and
 veins popping from her temples,
the woman turned to me with a look of utter
SHOCK and AWE!

It was at that very moment that
I realized that I had indeed misheard her!
But it was too late!
There was no turning back!


From somewhere deep within her protective soul,
came a low, grumbling sound of total disgust...


"W-H-A-T?"


I couldn't breathe! 
It felt like the air was being sucked from my lungs


"what?"


I whimpered,
sounding something like a seal being run over by a freight train!


In a surreal moment, the whole situation played back in my head. 
I frantically scrambled as I realized the incredible error I had just made. 
Innocently I asked,

"Did... did you just say the girl at the END?"

"Yes!" she snapped. 
"What did you think I said?"

Well obviously she knew what I thought she said
because I said it back...
verbally, out loud, with sound coming from my mouth!

Then it started!
Against my better judgement
but without the ability to stop,
I proceeded with my ridiculous habit of
hyper-talking!

"I don't know what I heard!  I'm congested! In fact, I shouldn't really be here.  I'm sick!  I have a fever!  I should have really stayed home..."

She leaned away from me.
I continued...

"Oh...is your daughter Khloe with a K? 
I have a Chloe but with a C. 
She's in 5th grade
which is probably good because it would be
confusing to have too many
Chloe's in one grade... together. 
Right? No? OK! Ha!  Ha! 
I met your Khloe with a K
doing the candy grams. 
Did I mention that I'm PTO President? 
Yeah!  No?  Ok!  Uhm..."

All I can say,
is that there is absolutely nothing more humiliating
than having a person look at you
 like you are a complete moron!
(Believe me, I know!)

At this point
My heart was racing,
I had the cold sweats and my ears were ringing...
The pressure was too intense!
Why did I get out of bed?

Exhausted, I stopped
and waited for something to save me!
  Finally, out of total mercy,
 she broke her death stare and looked away!
I was grateful. 
I took a deep breathe and tried to regroup.
Then I turned to her and in all sincerity..

I changed the subject!

I think it ended well though.
We chit-chatted about this and that
and got a much better understanding of each other.
In fact,
I learned that she is normal
and she learned that I am NOT!

Got sleep?

I haven't had a good night sleep since 1998, 

the year Chloe was born.

Exactly 11 years, 5 months 10 days and 6 hours ago.

I'm tired!

The other night I fell asleep on the couch at 8

A half hour later I staggered into bed!

Face down, drooling I slept like a log

until...

Seth came in and woke me up @ 9:00

He had peeped his pants a little and didn't know what to do.

I assume I told him to take off his pants because the next morning they were in a heap on my floor!

Truly unfortunate for all involved!

then...

Chloe came in and woke me up @ 10:00

She had a glitch in her rib and it hurt.

Apparently I told her to climb in bed with me until she felt better!

I only know that because she told me about it the next morning.

She brilliantly healed herself with a back bend!

Every evening as bedtime approaches, I think...

This is it!  This is going to be the night I sleep!

OK...this totally cracks me up!!!
I just logged on to write a post and found the above entry filed under my unpublished posts!
I don't even remember writing this!!
I remember thinking some of these things but don't remember writing all of this.
That's either really funny or extremely scary!
I obviously need more sleep.

Lullabies

The other night I snuggled close to Lulu
and sang her lullabies. 

The room was dark and peaceful. 

As I went through my normal repertoire of songs...

Rain drops on Roses,

I am a child of God,

Song of a Bird,

and

the classic Barry Manilow hit, Can't Smile Without You!

Lulu stroked my hair.

"Mommy!" 

She interrupted with a request,

"Sing me the other song!"

"What song?"

I asked flattered.

"You know, the one that you sing!"

"Which one is that?"

I had no idea what she was talking about.

"The song that you sing to me.  That one!

Confused, I began to sing another song.
She cut me off!

"Not that one Mommy, the other one!"

So, I started to sing another song.
She cut me off again.

"Mommy, that's not the right one either!"

Being all too familiar with this little game, 
I used my reverse psychology skills
and asked her to sing me the song instead.

From my side, in the dark
sweet Lulu began to sing the song in her head.
It went like this...

First she sang a question...
"Mommy!  Where are you?"

Then, lightly cupping her mouth, she sang the response...
"I'm in the bathroom!"

Uncovering her mouth, she sang...
"Which bathroom?  I can't find you!"

Then, cupping her mouth again she sang...
"The bathroom in my bedroom!"

She stopped singing and eagerly asked if I remembered that song?

Oh yes!
I knew exactly the song she was talking about!
I just didn't know that it had a tune!

and

I realized right then and there
that I need a new HIDING PLACE!